If a redneck were head of the CIA

If a redneck were head of the CIA things might be a whole lot different up in Washington.

Presidential envoy's would be hard to catch and bomb if they travelled in Nascar. We would have the added fun of watching the President and First Lady get out of the car.

If you lied under oath, while in office, or wile running for office your mouth would be washed out with soap, nasty soap, on prime time television. If it can make a 5 year old stop lying....

Getting "caught with your pants down" gets your wife a whole week with Oprah followed by a Lifetime movie marathon on cheaters. Start with Farah Fawcet in "The Burning Bed".

We would be a "green"agency. No dangerous chemicals to us for interrogation purposes. We would use all natural but highly effective techniques.

Technique one: Roll em' Danno!!!!
Catch a terrorist, strip them down, and roll them in fresh poison oak. Tie their hands together and turn off the air conditioner. In 24 hours they will roll on their mother to get the cortisone shot.
NOTE: for the particularly tough terrorist, let them lie to get their hands free to scratch. They will fess up the truth after a few hours of clawing their skin off to no avail.

Technique two: Bubbas berry patch
Catch a terrorist and put them to work picking blackberries in central Alabama. If the cotton mouths don't get them, the chiggers will.

Our rehab program for the arian nation extremists and other religious extremists is the latest in emersion therapy.

Arian militant supremacists get relocated to either Harlem NY or Tiaguana, Mexico for a year. Without the guns and with their swastikas.

Religious extremists get to go live in Mecca or Gaza for a year. With their signs.

Personally I think a redneck or too would be perfect for the job I'd head of the CIA and homeland security. Don't you?