I'm sitting in Daddy's office. It's a plastic table, four outdoor chairs, and a hammock strung between two trees on the edge of a small calm lake. Woodpeckers, mockingbirds and wrens sing loud, drowning out the Canadian geese, our neighbors Jack, and the occasional chicken and dog. It's so pretty I could sit here and drink coffee all day, I think. But I have a lot to do today. And not all of it is unpleasant. This morning I have plants to get in the ground, some hybrid blackberries from a friend of mine, a couple of lilies from Easter. I have plants to get out of the ground, weeds and hedge shrubs in unwanted places. I have baking to do, clothes to wash and a house to clean. I have a fundraisers to attend at church and, sadly, visitation for the funeral for a dear high school friend.
Today will be full of hard work and ups and downs, like most days I think. But this on started out in my Daddy's office. That makes it a little better right off the bat to me.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Friday, May 20, 2011
If a redneck were head of the CIA
If a redneck were head of the CIA things might be a whole lot different up in Washington.
Presidential envoy's would be hard to catch and bomb if they travelled in Nascar. We would have the added fun of watching the President and First Lady get out of the car.
If you lied under oath, while in office, or wile running for office your mouth would be washed out with soap, nasty soap, on prime time television. If it can make a 5 year old stop lying....
Getting "caught with your pants down" gets your wife a whole week with Oprah followed by a Lifetime movie marathon on cheaters. Start with Farah Fawcet in "The Burning Bed".
We would be a "green"agency. No dangerous chemicals to us for interrogation purposes. We would use all natural but highly effective techniques.
Technique one: Roll em' Danno!!!!
Catch a terrorist, strip them down, and roll them in fresh poison oak. Tie their hands together and turn off the air conditioner. In 24 hours they will roll on their mother to get the cortisone shot.
NOTE: for the particularly tough terrorist, let them lie to get their hands free to scratch. They will fess up the truth after a few hours of clawing their skin off to no avail.
Technique two: Bubbas berry patch
Catch a terrorist and put them to work picking blackberries in central Alabama. If the cotton mouths don't get them, the chiggers will.
Our rehab program for the arian nation extremists and other religious extremists is the latest in emersion therapy.
Arian militant supremacists get relocated to either Harlem NY or Tiaguana, Mexico for a year. Without the guns and with their swastikas.
Religious extremists get to go live in Mecca or Gaza for a year. With their signs.
Personally I think a redneck or too would be perfect for the job I'd head of the CIA and homeland security. Don't you?
Presidential envoy's would be hard to catch and bomb if they travelled in Nascar. We would have the added fun of watching the President and First Lady get out of the car.
If you lied under oath, while in office, or wile running for office your mouth would be washed out with soap, nasty soap, on prime time television. If it can make a 5 year old stop lying....
Getting "caught with your pants down" gets your wife a whole week with Oprah followed by a Lifetime movie marathon on cheaters. Start with Farah Fawcet in "The Burning Bed".
We would be a "green"agency. No dangerous chemicals to us for interrogation purposes. We would use all natural but highly effective techniques.
Technique one: Roll em' Danno!!!!
Catch a terrorist, strip them down, and roll them in fresh poison oak. Tie their hands together and turn off the air conditioner. In 24 hours they will roll on their mother to get the cortisone shot.
NOTE: for the particularly tough terrorist, let them lie to get their hands free to scratch. They will fess up the truth after a few hours of clawing their skin off to no avail.
Technique two: Bubbas berry patch
Catch a terrorist and put them to work picking blackberries in central Alabama. If the cotton mouths don't get them, the chiggers will.
Our rehab program for the arian nation extremists and other religious extremists is the latest in emersion therapy.
Arian militant supremacists get relocated to either Harlem NY or Tiaguana, Mexico for a year. Without the guns and with their swastikas.
Religious extremists get to go live in Mecca or Gaza for a year. With their signs.
Personally I think a redneck or too would be perfect for the job I'd head of the CIA and homeland security. Don't you?
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
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